In The Folds Of My Palms I Carry A Temple With Me…

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Sometimes in the wake of trying to know each other we often find our own selves. Things we did not know about our own selves reveal themselves to us. As a part of all the energies radiated by every cell in this world, when our own is lighted, it glows crystal clear. Sometimes clear enough for others to see, but always clear enough for our eyes.

When Erica said she was sorry, that it was her mistake that she lied to me, things didn’t seem that way to me even though they held truth for her. For her, it was her mistake, she had wanted to hide her feelings for Enid from me thinking I wouldn’t think well of it.

Somehow even though we were good friends she lied to me about it, because she was afraid she might not remain in my good books after she told me the truth. And our friendship was important to her, as it had been demonstrated by the lie she had made herself say. So, Erica and Enid really liked each other, but Erica was already committed to Julian. It was this thought that made her lie in the first place. It wasn’t only about what anyone else or I would think about her, it was what kind of person this fact turned her into, that troubled her.

She was a woman with conscience. And she knew her new-found pull toward Enid had no place in a world where she was already committed to Julian. And if she couldn’t shake it from her conscience, she knew I would not support her in this either. And hence, it was this fear of losing the consent of a close friend and aide that made her lie. It would have been easy for her to go on lying, to Julian and to me and to everyone else. But soon after she said those words to me, the guilt of having lied to someone she cared about, a friend, someone who cared about her, took her over.

“Jen,” she called out just as I was about to walk out the door of her hospital room Continue reading

Across the Hostel Gates..

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She sat under the canopy of the starry sky. The grass beneath, softly prickling her skin. Hands supporting her lean figure and legs stretched in front. She would easily pass off as, what you would call, a pleasant sight. Gazing at the night sky, looking at each brightly lit star made her transcend into a trance-like state. Greenday played Boulevard Of Broken Dreams in the background, headphones in place, Jennifer sat staring at the sky and enjoying the cool breeze of the September evening.

The lawn was the most serene places of the hostel with the hostel building on one side, a small gym forming its ground floor; and cemented wall on the other. It was hardly inhabited by girls like all the other places of the hostel. They strolled the promenade that doubled up as the two-wheeler parking, the parking space for cars and college bus, they crowded the Entertainment room, the mess; you could see girls swarming all the nook and corners of the hostel.

Sweet nothings being whispered subtly through mobiles, immersed in their never-ending conversations. But somehow, the lawn remained isolated. Only occasionally girls would sit here around sunset to enjoy the evening coolness.

The quiet and  solitude that the place offered was one of the reasons Jennifer loved sitting here for hours. Undisturbed, all by herself, buried in thoughts. The green of grass and the vast expanse of the open sky overhead made her connect with nature like none other. They beckoned her into their world. Clouds moving in every direction, slowly changing shapes; birds flying finding their journey; the slow changing colors of the seven heavens; it all looked like a beautiful painting. Like a love-knit song. A poem she could sing again and again. It was splendid, and she had found herself making her way to the lawn more often since the past few months. Like magically synchronized pieces of a puzzle, the blissful essence of everything beautiful life could offer, was showered into her lap.

She felt amazing knowing how people around her made her life worthy of every possible suffering she might have to endure later when they parted. She loved her friends. Sharon, her room-mate; Ivy, the best girl-friend she could ever have; Giselle, her soul-sister and Amanda, the silly nitwit, she couldn’t see her life complete without any of them. And then there was Adam. Adam had lately become the center of this beautiful universe for Jennifer. There was nothing more she could ask for from God, not at the moment at least.

It had been close to an hour since Jennifer had found a clean patch and reclined for her ‘Me-time’ as she called it. She was deep in thoughts when her cell phone beeped. It was an SMS from Amanda asking her where she was. Jennifer realized it was too late, the hostel gates would shut down soon, she had to hurry if she wanted to go out with her friends. Continue reading

Gulaabi

I see them sing, they sail with thin air
Fingers inkling and linking,
Entwined entrusted engraved.
They do not rest, their feet gliding high above.
They speak of joy, resonating chimes
Faces lit with mirth, resplendent smiles.
‘What do you veil, What beauty you keep?’
Beatified, they greet my words.
They outshine banalities, like scorching heat it lit me up.
Give me wings, to go sky high
Color me Gulaabi, I want to fly…

The Summer Rains

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She walked through the large glass doors into the open galleria. The sound of wind and rain cutting across the huge open space and yard next to the galleria, whooshing in her ears. It was a chilly and wet night.

Just minutes ago she had come to this party,not expecting what or rather who she had seen here just now. As she came out the singing from inside the party hall diminished. Although she could still hear it muffled.

She crossed her arms, as if trying to hold herself together. Her long black sequined dress flapping around her legs as she crossed the galleria and came to halt at its edge, over-looking the yard.

Her face and body were now exposed to the rain drops falling on her slowly making her wet. She looked out with faraway, despondent eyes. Staring at nothing. Looking straight ahead but seeing into nothingness. Only subconsciously being riveted to the voice coming from inside. Never leaving it once.

She might have looked stunned to any onlooker. She stood there for a minute, her soft features stoic, brown eyes fixed yet showing a yearning for something, someone.

Slowly her eyes shifted focus looking at the pelting rain now and she glided forth into the raining yard. Feeling comforted with the falling water. The breeze, the rain was welcome. As if seeing through her, understanding her, feeling what she felt. Crying with her.

She walked to the center of the yard and tilted her face towards the dark night sky, soaking, dripping and feeling answered by the nature God. As though by some unknown force the universe echoed the hurricane developing inside her. She stood there for how long now, she had no idea. Time seemed to have stopped. she could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing.

“Jennifer!”, shouted a voice from behind. Her eyes flew open, startled. Confounded.

How could he?

Why has he come for her?

Why now?

A thousand questions stormed her mind all at once. It was a voice she loved so much, yet dreaded. The same voice she had run away from few minutes back. Her heartbeat quickened with every fraction of a second until she could hear it ringing in her ears.

“Jennifer!”, he called out again, shouting it louder, more forcefully this time, in an attempt to reach her across the thundering noise of rain. Beckoning her. She dared not turn back to face him.

He is not here. This isn’t him. The voice will stop calling now. She thought.

Jennifer stood nailed to that place in denial. Wanting him to go away. Not moving once. Her brain flooding with shock, disbelief, anger and pain all at once. Seconds passed with sullen laziness, stretching forever. She could feel the blood pulsating in her vessels, her heartbeat thundering in her ears like the rain, in anticipation of what was about to happen. Suddenly as if out of nowhere a hand grabbed hers from behind and she twirled around. He stood in front of her…read more

Heaven and Earth…

I feel the hurt, I feel the pain,
I knew there never was anything to gain,
Yet I followed my heart, my inner voice,
I chose to love when I had a choice.
It bought me happiness, the whole world wide,
But like all good things, a silent death it died.
Nobody heard Nobody cried,
Eyes believe what they see, else everything is on the other side.
Pain is for earth and Love is for heavens
That my dear, is the great divide.

Thinking Of You…

It was born n fed n nourished,
It was taken, loved n cherished.
As it grew stronger and whole,
She feared, for it had a vulnerable soul.
Then as she reposed, maybe it’s found a direction,
Slipped through their hands, it broke her assumption.
Love, Oh yes, love it was.
Fresh as a dew n pure as the light of dawn,
It dies so young, whilst she treads on.