Sometimes in the wake of trying to know each other we often find our own selves. Things we did not know about our own selves reveal themselves to us. As a part of all the energies radiated by every cell in this world, when our own is lighted, it glows crystal clear. Sometimes clear enough for others to see, but always clear enough for our eyes.
When Erica said she was sorry, that it was her mistake that she lied to me, things didn’t seem that way to me even though they held truth for her. For her, it was her mistake, she had wanted to hide her feelings for Enid from me thinking I wouldn’t think well of it.
Somehow even though we were good friends she lied to me about it, because she was afraid she might not remain in my good books after she told me the truth. And our friendship was important to her, as it had been demonstrated by the lie she had made herself say. So, Erica and Enid really liked each other, but Erica was already committed to Julian. It was this thought that made her lie in the first place. It wasn’t only about what anyone else or I would think about her, it was what kind of person this fact turned her into, that troubled her.
She was a woman with conscience. And she knew her new-found pull toward Enid had no place in a world where she was already committed to Julian. And if she couldn’t shake it from her conscience, she knew I would not support her in this either. And hence, it was this fear of losing the consent of a close friend and aide that made her lie. It would have been easy for her to go on lying, to Julian and to me and to everyone else. But soon after she said those words to me, the guilt of having lied to someone she cared about, a friend, someone who cared about her, took her over.
“Jen,” she called out just as I was about to walk out the door of her hospital room Continue reading