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Pensive

zeb1

“There couldn’t have been more depressing days than these”, Jane thought to herself.

She’d been sitting alone for hours on the front office desk flipping the television channels. It was the same charade. T.V., magazines, browsing through web, reading this and that, chatting with friends about random things.

“God I want something more to do!” She exclaimed aloud to herself, since there was nobody to hear her, except herself. It’s not like there wasn’t any work, but it wasn’t enough for her.

Jane, a 27-year-old brunette, living in downtown Batesville, had a good life by any parameter. She had a good job. It paid her well. It wasn’t taxing or stressful. And her family life was running smoothly too.

So today was just one of those days when you do everything  you were meant to do. Fulfilling all tasks, going about your daily business like routine. But only because there’s nothing else that you could do.

If you could possibly escape this charade you’d want to shut yourself up in a room, alone, with white-washed ceiling, and full of windows with textured glass panels shut to close. So that nobody can see you from outside and the day-light brightly flooding the room.

Then all you’d want to do is sit on a comfortable white couch and empty your mind. Just like the big empty room. Something like your own private meditation hall. And maybe then all the light will filter into your mind. Clear and bright.

All Jane wanted to do was to sit in that room, on that couch, and think about how she really wanted her days to pass.

College, home, social gatherings, internet,office is what she’d been doing all her life. And that’s not nothing. It is worth something. But she needed something more worthwhile.

When you look down on the earth from outer space, you can see that its huge. You’re not the tiniest of the tiniest dot in it. And you wonder, where am I? Have I lived everyday enough to be able to trace my own steps on this vast planet that’s my home?

Oftentimes the answer is No, for someone who has been trained and taught and is expected to follow the charade. No matter however well you’ve followed it.

When you look at this entire world as a single entity, and think in a broader spectrum, you realize there is so much to do. So much to see. So much to live. And you want to feel your presence in it, you want to make your presence felt.

That doesn’t necessarily meaning owning a group of multinational companies or having a big brand in your name. It means connecting with different places in different continents. It means identifying yourself with places world over. It means knowing that this entire world is my home and I’ve not restricted myself to any one place or position.

But what do you do when you aspire to be a global citizen but all you can see yourself do is follow a routine well-crafted, sometimes appreciated, but not fulfilling to your heart’s content?

Jane would often dream with open eyes. Imagining that she was flying. She did not have wings, but she knew how to fly. She would fly above the city sky-line, above the hills and rivers, across countries and continents. admiring the beauty and the creations of the world for days and nights. Never stopping.

There was nothing more that she wanted to do. Nothing gave her more happiness and contentment. She wouldn’t feel hungry or tired. She wouldn’t miss anyone or feel lonely. She just felt happy. She felt real and alive.

That flight meant freedom. Jane was by nature, never the one to be caught in shackles of any boundaries. She was a free-spirited woman. Her dreams always reinforced  that fact. Humans were wanderers by nature. Never settling down in one place for long. This entire earth was their habitat. And that’s how it was supposed to be. Life was never meant to be stagnant. Freedom in its truest essence is what Jane demanded from life.

Caught by arms and legs in vice

Feel restrained by invisible ties

I don’t have wings, but I see me fly

Despicable beings those birds up high.

I think of days and a world in time,

Where I am free, winds sway me by

Will it ever happen that I will cut loose all the strings

All the whats and where and whys?

I’m filled with hope I wont deny

Have been like this for long I just realized.

I can’t say how but I do know

Every step brings me closer to my freedom.

It’s the only desire I’ve ever lived by.

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